They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
