Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Im part way to drunk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
