Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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