OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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