Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
