I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
