So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
MIDGETS
????
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
