fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
