Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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