I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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