this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
