Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
