The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
