My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
