My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
