So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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