Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
