she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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