how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
