you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
