apparently the secret to your success is patron
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
