In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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