happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
