I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
