i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I looked at my own cervix.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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