i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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