I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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