apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
