I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
