well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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