I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
