He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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