forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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