I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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