I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
