If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
