You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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