we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
