im holly from the hills drunk
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
