The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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