i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
