awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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