based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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