please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
