do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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