I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
