normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
