I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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