you will always have a special place in my vag
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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