Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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