Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think your dad took our porno
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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