Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize