shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
