I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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