so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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