If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
