I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
