census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Your penis caused this!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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