The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
